I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
