Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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