GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Shame - the story of my life.
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