I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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