Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
