you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
