it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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