i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
