after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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