i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you inspire me to be a worse person
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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