I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
