It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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