hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
