I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
