omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
