highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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