i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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