who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
