My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
