I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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