Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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