This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
