I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
