dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
