That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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