I am puke
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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