It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
