How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
