So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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