Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
