the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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