I think I won the penis lottery.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
