there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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