There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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