I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
