You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
