He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
