Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
