In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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