I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
