Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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