Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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