new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
