You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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