i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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