my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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