Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
