last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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