Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
