By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
